Dating tips for introverts

                First we deal with  the "who" part, you choose a girl who you don't even know, you have never talked to and have no way of talking to, definitely don't know how to, you like her for reasons you can't particularly pin point yet you know she is the one and you are completely sure about it. You also know she is supposedly very religious and you are completely the opposite and yours is the kinda profile her religion wants their girls to stay away from but you decide "love trumps all, what the heck, I am gonna try".
             Then moving on to the wooing part, first thing you do is get drunk and anonymously post on the college page that you love her, and you use the word awesome to describe her and you are not 15. Then you forget about the whole thing for months.
               Your exams start, and you know now is the best time to start trying to win her over, you use all your literary prowess and conjure up a very moving message on how you have fallen in love with her, you think you sound incredibly romantic and funny,  "who wouldn't fall for your charms, she would reply back something, and you two will start chatting and soon find an awesome rapport and you two are an item now, you have the girl of your dreams" but that thought process blows away in to dust as soon as you realise that she is not going to reply back. The thought that she didn't even know who you were done not even occur to you, even you don't know everyone in your class.
               Then you describe your love to her using the skill that you have gained all through the years reading cinderella, snow white to very recent princess barbie, now that outta fix her up and move her to the very point of melting and in movements she will fall in to your hands, but she is a stone, she doesn't move, who does that?, you have sent her two long messages and she doesn't love you back yet, how could she be so cruel. During the process you don't even read for your exams because "she" who doesn't even want to speak to you, who might not not even know you actually exist, who you hardly know, is more important than passing that year.
                Then your mind starts to wander you realise she might have been scared because your cindrella story some how has a huge resemblance to almost all serial killer stories, so you are worried, you then send her an other message apologing for being such an insensitive prick, but you use very choosey words  which seem like they are right outta of eminem songs.
              No reply's again, but how would something happen in a day you have to try for it, try hard and you have to be passionate, so convince yourself you are very serious, and you resort to the oldest trick in the book "poems" but you want it to be funny like when people sent poems in the movies
          Violets are purple,
          Roses are red,
          Nothing rhymes with purple,
          I am so dead.
        But you cannot do that you are actually good at this thing so you write an actually good poem, which makes it very akward and does not in any way help the situation.
                You have learned your lesson, you know you have messed up big time, but you cannot stop now not when she is just about to speak with you, so you keep sending her messages, then you look up to the ever reliable maths for help, so u send her a message talking about possiblities, probablities, and give her multiple choices, she replies back saying she is not interested which was one of the choices by the way and she says never text me again, you decide to stop but she just started talking to you.
                  So you make a cartoon video because you are innovative, and she said never to text her and you looked up texts on the dictionary which is means word, and ask her for tips to impress her, she blocks you, that was un called for.
                Then your vacation ends and it's time to face the music, you get all scared and paranoid because you know what you did is silly and stupid as you mentally prepare your self to laugh, and laughed at, at all cost. You avoid all conversation regarding the matter, you fear that pursuing would be considered as aggression, and persistentance would be considered insanity, you have only confided in a couple of very trusted people about it, they were the cause of all this mishap in the first place.
                You stare at her in class because that is what people do in movies, eye contact supposedly has magical effects. Then you start showing up in places to see her, just to make your presence felt, you try to loop her in to conversations by debating her faith in mysterious ways possible i.e through whatsapp statuses, by distrpting public events and making them a laughter riot, messaging in all the groups she is in.
                 You start reading psychology to some how understand her find out what she is thinking, but that doesn't work so then you concentrate on people who are close to her try to read them by how they react when they see you because supposedly "your love story is all they  care about and they have no life of their own" but you get nowhere. You then somehow see this status on her app and think she is ready to fall in love because that status denotes love in your language, but the idea that it might be a coincidence is pessimism and you're sure that she is finally in love so you hack your friend's (because she blocked all your accounts)  account and send her a text enquiring, she doesn't even know what you are talking about but you double checked it, she changed her statuses again, now you are starting to question your sanity.
                You send her a couple of more messages form different accounts asking her to be friends after sending all those incredibly cheesy, odd messages, who wouldn't be wanna friends with the odd guy who keeps proposing to her, she blocks all of them,  then you resort to facebook, you decide that if she knows  what ever you are thinking she will fall in love with you because you are Einstein of India and your thought are highly moving and may be she will think she knows you from all those exaggerated messages, and you tell her how you cannot stop thinking about her and how you wanna look at her photos because that is what women want to hear a creepy staker's self portrayal.
    You have tried the following steps
               1) confusion-confuse her in to talking to you
               2)constant disturbance- try  and send her enormous number of messages until she finally decides to say "what is your problem why won't you leave me alone" then you become the smooth talker and sweep her.
                 3)crazy- make her think you are going crazy because of her
                 4) sentimental blackmail- make her think you are an emotional wreck without her.
                  Though  you didn't do any of these things "deliberately", you don't want her to think you are plainly stupid or actually sensitive, so you don't mind saying you are crooked.      
                     Finally as nothing works you send in your friends one of them succeed in talking to her, but it doesn't seem to be very fruitfull, all those conditions all those mature talk it doesn't work for you.
                    Then you find out she has her birthday coming soon so you start planning to sweep her off her feet. You plan a very cheesy birthday celebration bringing kids from the orphanage, and giving her flowers, and cutting her a cake, you make some calls find an orphanage that will send in kids for a check up in the hospital, and then stay for the birthday surprise a little later, But she has her exams on the day you don't want her to get a restraining order, So you decide to give her a gift send it through a friend, it had to be original hand made because you are cheap, you try carving something outta of a marble stone dosen't work, atleast pait her a picture of a guitar it didn't look like a billion dollars either. Finally it was too late you just sent her a happy birthday at 12 am and an akward picture saying happy birthday and tell her that she doesn't have to talk to you if she doesn't want to, she decides she doesn't want to.
                    You do all these things but never even try going and talking to her straight though she was in the same class the whole time, you were brave enough to sent these incredibly stupid very very very long messages but never brave enough to go and talk to her, because you think she might think you are a jerk of all the things she might have thought of you jerk is not bad. It would also make the whole thing very serious, very real, that would mean you actually tried real hard to make someone like you and you failed, and that would also mean you would have to shrug outta of this and move on eventually. If she even decides to talk to you, you have no idea how to maintain such a relationship or how to walk through the process of developing actual feeling of attachment, love, care, dependecy. The idea of the whole thing being real scares you more than it not bein real.
                  So you write a story and send it to her hoping she understands that you're actually cool, but situation has made you look like an stupid, emotional wreck. You are just an introvert who had no idea of how to make the whole process smooth. May be love at fist sight is not for us.