Addictions and obsessions.
Seductive webs
Suspended in space,
Spiral, oblique,
Linear and whorled,
In all patterns and shapes,
With innate abilities,
To lure preys,
But not every web
Gets in the way,
And Not everyone
Falls in its trey,
Those who do
Have cuiosity sensors,
This need to explore,
Rebel, dig the dirt,
Ones with hard shells,
Sharp claws manage
To break free,
And grow in strength.
The rest with fragile wings,
Vulnerable hearts,
Dangle infinitely.
He liked this girl, She didn't know he exists,
Also, he had no guts
To go,
And say "hey,
may I? borrow your record,
And, may be add you to my
friends List",
Because, you can't go to a girl
And say "I love you",
That is a taboo,
Desperate, uncivilised,
Strightforward.
You have to play mind
Games first,
He didn't know,
How?. So
He send her love letters,
Everyday,
Hoping she would one day,
Ask him
"Hey, stop, what do you want",
Then he would say "You,
I want you, you, you.
You, to be the last person I talk to everyday,
yours to be text, I eagerly wait for every morning.
Spending time lazying with
You the idea of a perfect weekend.
You to be the Person, I will dig the ends of the earth, To pick the perfect birthday present for.
Your breath surrounding the air around me,
Your hands holding every adventure we walk,
Your scent in all my sheets all seats, clothes.
With you a family,
And to you, the last goodbye, yet happy, knowing that I will live on, in your touch, scent, breath".
But she never asked him what he wanted,
All she said was stop,
He did stop,
May be too many times,
But he did stop.
We are no strangers to bullying,
May it be the the physically and/or
Verbally abusive father
Who rules with the iron fist
Or rather strikes with one,
To the popular classmate who
Developes an hatred for you,
Decides to make your life hell,
Some racist comments, homophobic
Jokes, him and buddies need the occasional punching bag.
To the maths teacher who finds
Your idiotic curiosity try new
Methods to solve, egoist,
so decides not to Correct
your papers anymore,
Or the the head who issues
Vigilante justice, fails the guy with
The long gotee and one with ugly pants
And the senior who decides to make
An example outta of you,
For not obeying his orders to
Masturbate in front of him.
So you decide to make the junior
Who didn't respect you to scream,
Make your inattentive son squeal,
Your disobedient students rot.
Bullies- make bullies- make bullies, hate- hate-hate, anger-anger-anger
Unless someone jumps in to rewrite the equation
Hate-love-love.
Everyday she crosses,
That angel,
With her milky white eyes,
Upcombed hair,
Timid walk,
I can't but stare,
What could I do,
I stop breathing,
As she passes,
The minute just pauses,
It streaches like a mile,
I want her to see me,
I wish she would smile,
I want her to know
I like her for a while,
But she already knows,
She doesn't care,
maybe I am just an other,
Feather in her hair
To me she is more than
All I care,
As she crosses,
I can do nothing but stare.
It clutches your chest,
never lets go,
It covers you in its phantom wings,
tighter and tighter as you struggle,
making every breath harder,
it never lets go.
You give in, surrender,
accept defeat, let it consume you,
yet it keeps picking, pricking,
it never lets go
One little kid with ragged clothes,
With hands in the pockets,
Filled with holes,
Walks past the same little shop,
Stares at this pretty doll,
From spring to fall,
He swore to himself,
that little boy,
someday he ll hold that toy,
He had neither the money,
Nor a job, Lost either of his parents,
His uncle a drunken slob,
Ran that kid to his wretched home,
Shook his uncle,
From his slumber on foam,
Uncle uncle I want the toy,
Uncle uncle I want the toy,
'Drats boy, why do u hinder,
Me slumber, and make me fall'
I want the toy uncle,
I want the toy,
'Toy u say let us see,'
He grabbed a few cons,
Now buy me a whiskey,
Ran that kid with such glee,
For his uncle had said "let us see",
The uncle after drinking had said to him, "Boy, we Do not live to master,
But we live to greave, If u learn to greave now, You will be stone just like me",
The boy didn't falter he had a brain,
For if he tries he cld only gain,
He knew a little english,
He knew a little maths,
He thought hard what he cld do,
because his options where very few,
But then this granny came and said,
"Hey boy could you read this for me,
He shook his head furiously,
Sure granny, but for a little fee,
Granny smiled and gave him his fee,
The next few days he ran around,
Reading and writing letters,
For all elegant bidders,
Finally he had enough cash,
To buy his secret stash,
He ran to the shop,
He had alwz looked from the wall,
He had to run so hard,
He almost had to trip and fall,
He opened the door,
The door to his dreams,
He walked to the counter,
And asked for the toy,
Left with horror the little old boy,
For the old man had sold his toy,
He stood there with no clue;
Then tears rolled frm his eyes,
But he wiped his tears and around
He went Looking for something new,
He bought a new toy,
left the ground,
In to the blue.
I wanna b a writer,
sail the seven seas,
I wanna work untiring,
Why not rear bees,
I Wanna save the world,
Plant some tall trees,
I wanna learn to sculpt,
Somewhere stay and teach,
I wanna build a hut,
Along the salty beach,
I wanna buy a submarine,
Record dolphins screech,
I wanna Learn to cook,
Build an empire of cheese,
Become a rebel
And fight corporate leech,
I wanna may be, be a doctor,
Unreached I shall reach,
I wanna die drinking,
Or die for what I preach,
I would lose it all, all my dreams,
For Someone I hardly know,
Who knows nothing of me,
You come first, I don't kno why,
This defies logic but So does life.
Love has many forms,
Can present in many ways,
Can occur in the most unexpected movements,
Can conquer even the most stubborn minds.
This is the story of my friend in college, he was a very simple person predictable, easily distracted, laid back and extremely introverted, never had the the need to keep friends, never found the right words to say, never made anyone feel special.
He always wanted to get involved, he liked people but he had no idea how, he wasn't made to be social, but he had friends, he never felt like he deserved them.
His life went through a series of loops, slips, ups and downs, lack of interests towards his course made it worse, he stared drinking alcohol just for the thrill of it, then smoked, he stared off alone in hiding then when he was busted he found that he shared a similar interest with his friends.
He found that alcohol made him more talkative, social, funny, and interesting. He thought that he was finally happy, to him these pleasures seemed like happiness he loved it.
He started drinking frequently, slowly at first but then it started increasing more and more, his life to him seemed like a movie.
He started drinking in the mornings, then everyday, there were days when he wished he would be always drunk, many of his friends could'nt keep up with him a very few did and soon he stared drinking alone again.
He soon started feeling a void without drinking, he felt he was an emotioless being without it, restless, he forgot that he had a word out side, there were people who loved and cared for him.
One day everyone in his class went to a trip, he went along too, he didn't drink that day it made him very anxious he was restless, powerless, he sat there mostly like a stone seeing everyone sing, laugh, dance he didn't want to he didn't care but he acted at least tried. Then he saw her, that girl, he had seen her before in a function last year, she was so beautiful, her smile so bewitching, he wanted to kno who she was the last time he saw her. He didn't even think about alcohol, he couldn't, all he could think of was her, he wasn't making plans on how to drink that evening, he was actually peaceful after a long time he didn't know how long.
But it all got over too soon then everyone moved separate ways, he was happy for two days, then he forgot how it felt being happy, he forgot her, he stared drinking again.
He occasionaly went to class, one of those days he saw her again and those feeling came back again he wanted to talk to her, but he was a mess, she would never talk back to him, she seemed like someone who was out of that world, too precious to be reached by someone like him.
One day he bought a whole bottle of wine he drank it, he was sitting there thinking about her, she suddenly called him, he was overwhelmed with joy he took the phone and talked to her, she said come and see me tomorrow, and he went to see her why do you keep looking at me that way, he said he had never seen a women so beautiful, she blushed but she was stern "I don't like you, don't disturb me again"
He came back to his room full of agony this tis not the first girl he had a crush and definitely not the first relationship he was trying to develop, but he knew she was the one, the one running after, the one worth dying for.
He called her every day and promised her his love and loyalty, begged, wrote poems for her, wrote essays describing how much he loved her, sent her scores of emails, she usually just resisted his attumpts , but after months she started talking with him, she told him that she loved him. To him that was the happiest moment in his life, they started going out, they talked for hours on the phone, he didn't need anyone else, didn't care about anyone else.
She was his life, she once told him that she would die if he left her, he told her if he ever left her it would mean he is dead. He loved every thing about her her shy smile, the twinkle in her eyes, the way she shouts at him, the way she laughed, the nick names she called him, how she didn't want to meet his friends because she was too shy to meet them, how she kept awake for hours to read and he wld stay awake just to keep her company, talking with her the whole time on the phone. The life they planned, the dogs they wanted to have, the places they wanted to visit. She was the treasure his life. One day, during a conversation she told him she cannot leave her parents if they ever opposed to their love, he was furious he told her she should have thought about it before she started loving him. He was said he never wanted to see her again. She left crying.
One day a couple of securities and a few friends dragged him outside, he came on to the open his parents were waiting for him it had been months since he saw them, they looked at him and started crying, he was puzzled why are they crying, his father hit him many times and pulled him inside the car. He didn't understand what was happening he knew they were over reacting, bringing him home like that, he was may be a little drunk but it was just alcohol everone drinks it.
He was restless he couldn't talk to her, he tried calling her she didn't pick up the phone, he called his friends, none of them picked up, his parents gave him food he ate it, they looked at him and started crying again, 4 days went by he didn't talk to anyone no one talked to him, she wasn't picking up his phone either. On the fifth day his parents came to him and said if you ever drink again we will die, why do you think we see you waste your life drinking, please stop this we are begging you. They started crying he stared crying with them, he couldnt see them that way. So he decided to stop no matter what. He wanted to talk to her say sorry but she never picked up the phone, she was angry with him too.
He went back to his college, started going to classes, slowly started talking with his friends, they were relieved to see he was back, months passed he was a very regular student now but he couldn't forget her, he called every day but the call never went through.
One day he saw her, he ran towards her and shouted her name buy she didn't even show a hint of recognition, he didn't recognise too, she was the same person but he felt like he didn't know her. He said sorry and came back she smiled and moved away.
He asked his friends about her, his lover they didn't even know she existed he they told him he never even came out of his house, he was anxious, troubled, he looked at her number on the cell phone, "000000000" there were 10 0's.
He was struck with fear, what was happening, all those calls, those movements, the love, the places he visited they were still in his memory. But now they were more like a dream than reality, he started visiting all those place he didn't recognise many of them they looked a lot different than he remembered.
He was going mad he was confused, he felt he was alone, he had to drink again, so he did hoping she comes back, she never came back, he wouldn't stop until she does.
Beware, these words can never
Say, the feelings that keeps
Haunting, from the very air you
Breath, to the shadow you seldom
Noticed, make your heart go deeply
Sinking, nights that seemed eere are
Heaven, days streaching, everlasting
Exhausting, connections made from
Randoms, rap songs turn in to
Blues, fears and hopes keep you
Hooked, mind betrayed, logic seems like
Treason, your world keep shaping around
Her, slowly yet abrupt with forces
Enforcing, fatasy turns to horror for this war Is only ment for loosing.
First we deal with the "who" part, you choose a girl who you don't even know, you have never talked to and have no way of talking to, definitely don't know how to, you like her for reasons you can't particularly pin point yet you know she is the one and you are completely sure about it. You also know she is supposedly very religious and you are completely the opposite and yours is the kinda profile her religion wants their girls to stay away from but you decide "love trumps all, what the heck, I am gonna try".
Then moving on to the wooing part, first thing you do is get drunk and anonymously post on the college page that you love her, and you use the word awesome to describe her and you are not 15. Then you forget about the whole thing for months.
Your exams start, and you know now is the best time to start trying to win her over, you use all your literary prowess and conjure up a very moving message on how you have fallen in love with her, you think you sound incredibly romantic and funny, "who wouldn't fall for your charms, she would reply back something, and you two will start chatting and soon find an awesome rapport and you two are an item now, you have the girl of your dreams" but that thought process blows away in to dust as soon as you realise that she is not going to reply back. The thought that she didn't even know who you were done not even occur to you, even you don't know everyone in your class.
Then you describe your love to her using the skill that you have gained all through the years reading cinderella, snow white to very recent princess barbie, now that outta fix her up and move her to the very point of melting and in movements she will fall in to your hands, but she is a stone, she doesn't move, who does that?, you have sent her two long messages and she doesn't love you back yet, how could she be so cruel. During the process you don't even read for your exams because "she" who doesn't even want to speak to you, who might not not even know you actually exist, who you hardly know, is more important than passing that year.
Then your mind starts to wander you realise she might have been scared because your cindrella story some how has a huge resemblance to almost all serial killer stories, so you are worried, you then send her an other message apologing for being such an insensitive prick, but you use very choosey words which seem like they are right outta of eminem songs.
No reply's again, but how would something happen in a day you have to try for it, try hard and you have to be passionate, so convince yourself you are very serious, and you resort to the oldest trick in the book "poems" but you want it to be funny like when people sent poems in the movies
Violets are purple,
Roses are red,
Nothing rhymes with purple,
I am so dead.
But you cannot do that you are actually good at this thing so you write an actually good poem, which makes it very akward and does not in any way help the situation.
You have learned your lesson, you know you have messed up big time, but you cannot stop now not when she is just about to speak with you, so you keep sending her messages, then you look up to the ever reliable maths for help, so u send her a message talking about possiblities, probablities, and give her multiple choices, she replies back saying she is not interested which was one of the choices by the way and she says never text me again, you decide to stop but she just started talking to you.
So you make a cartoon video because you are innovative, and she said never to text her and you looked up texts on the dictionary which is means word, and ask her for tips to impress her, she blocks you, that was un called for.
Then your vacation ends and it's time to face the music, you get all scared and paranoid because you know what you did is silly and stupid as you mentally prepare your self to laugh, and laughed at, at all cost. You avoid all conversation regarding the matter, you fear that pursuing would be considered as aggression, and persistentance would be considered insanity, you have only confided in a couple of very trusted people about it, they were the cause of all this mishap in the first place.
You stare at her in class because that is what people do in movies, eye contact supposedly has magical effects. Then you start showing up in places to see her, just to make your presence felt, you try to loop her in to conversations by debating her faith in mysterious ways possible i.e through whatsapp statuses, by distrpting public events and making them a laughter riot, messaging in all the groups she is in.
You start reading psychology to some how understand her find out what she is thinking, but that doesn't work so then you concentrate on people who are close to her try to read them by how they react when they see you because supposedly "your love story is all they care about and they have no life of their own" but you get nowhere. You then somehow see this status on her app and think she is ready to fall in love because that status denotes love in your language, but the idea that it might be a coincidence is pessimism and you're sure that she is finally in love so you hack your friend's (because she blocked all your accounts) account and send her a text enquiring, she doesn't even know what you are talking about but you double checked it, she changed her statuses again, now you are starting to question your sanity.
You send her a couple of more messages form different accounts asking her to be friends after sending all those incredibly cheesy, odd messages, who wouldn't be wanna friends with the odd guy who keeps proposing to her, she blocks all of them, then you resort to facebook, you decide that if she knows what ever you are thinking she will fall in love with you because you are Einstein of India and your thought are highly moving and may be she will think she knows you from all those exaggerated messages, and you tell her how you cannot stop thinking about her and how you wanna look at her photos because that is what women want to hear a creepy staker's self portrayal.
You have tried the following steps
1) confusion-confuse her in to talking to you
2)constant disturbance- try and send her enormous number of messages until she finally decides to say "what is your problem why won't you leave me alone" then you become the smooth talker and sweep her.
3)crazy- make her think you are going crazy because of her
4) sentimental blackmail- make her think you are an emotional wreck without her.
Though you didn't do any of these things "deliberately", you don't want her to think you are plainly stupid or actually sensitive, so you don't mind saying you are crooked.
Finally as nothing works you send in your friends one of them succeed in talking to her, but it doesn't seem to be very fruitfull, all those conditions all those mature talk it doesn't work for you.
Then you find out she has her birthday coming soon so you start planning to sweep her off her feet. You plan a very cheesy birthday celebration bringing kids from the orphanage, and giving her flowers, and cutting her a cake, you make some calls find an orphanage that will send in kids for a check up in the hospital, and then stay for the birthday surprise a little later, But she has her exams on the day you don't want her to get a restraining order, So you decide to give her a gift send it through a friend, it had to be original hand made because you are cheap, you try carving something outta of a marble stone dosen't work, atleast pait her a picture of a guitar it didn't look like a billion dollars either. Finally it was too late you just sent her a happy birthday at 12 am and an akward picture saying happy birthday and tell her that she doesn't have to talk to you if she doesn't want to, she decides she doesn't want to.
You do all these things but never even try going and talking to her straight though she was in the same class the whole time, you were brave enough to sent these incredibly stupid very very very long messages but never brave enough to go and talk to her, because you think she might think you are a jerk of all the things she might have thought of you jerk is not bad. It would also make the whole thing very serious, very real, that would mean you actually tried real hard to make someone like you and you failed, and that would also mean you would have to shrug outta of this and move on eventually. If she even decides to talk to you, you have no idea how to maintain such a relationship or how to walk through the process of developing actual feeling of attachment, love, care, dependecy. The idea of the whole thing being real scares you more than it not bein real.
So you write a story and send it to her hoping she understands that you're actually cool, but situation has made you look like an stupid, emotional wreck. You are just an introvert who had no idea of how to make the whole process smooth. May be love at fist sight is not for us.
