Social anxiety

Room full of people
I don't fear you,
All those judging eyes,
Cannot Pierce though
My defenses.

1) (one), My completely blank mind.
Leaving my head dislodged,
For a few temporary minutes,
So no thoughts ever cross.

2) (two), My fast paced walk.
Will leave your judgements,
Gasping for air,
As they cannot be followed,

3) (three), The very last chair,
Behind a trusted few,
Barriers that can conceal,
The Haven.

The familiar stranger,
I know I have to greet,
If you see any of these,
I am trying to.

1) (one), The curl of the lips,
Because, my full smile is creepy,
And if not reciprocated,
The curl is disguised as a twitch.

2) (two), The uninterrupted stare,
A sign of acknowledgement,
That I know you, "hey, there,
I have seen you around".

3) (three), The head nod,
Upwards, downwards, sideways,
Because my limbs are frozen,
This is all I could manage.

All my house guests,
Who I don't know personally.
I have to dodge,
The small talk and akward silences.
I have certain protocols.

1) (one), Not coming out,
Of my tiny lair,
My Scheming station,
If there is even a hint of visitors.

2) (two), When the door bell rings,
I go hide in my room,
Yes, even when I am over 20.
Never even turning to have a second look.
Let someone else deal with it.

3) (three), When caught off guard,
I stand up politely,
Offer you the place to sit,
Even if all the chairs are empty,
As I march off to my pit.

Hits me- poetry

To the guy with the
Rolled up sleeves,
Metal arms,
And Cold stare,
I know you are out to
Get me.

When you and your
Friends hang around,
Near my dorm balcony,
To puff out huge
clowds of grey,
I could feel your
Cold stare has infected,
them in some way,
Your unnecessary hate,
Carved in with malacious,
Blades.
All ganged up
To hunt the poor sucker
Down- Me.

I didn't sleep that night
Waiting for you and your
Gang of goons,
To slow up,
I was ready.
With a wooden stick,
In one hand, and a plastic
Hanger in the other,
I kept slashing the Air,
to learn single stick,
Double stick, takewondo,
Anything I could,
To defend myself,
Even when my eyelids,
Like locked shudders,
Refused to open,
My arms like rubber tubes,
Hanged,
Legs about to collapse,
I kept on.
But no one showed up.

The next day I saw you,
And your mouth curled to
A C,
What looked like a smile,
Put a stop to the bang
That kept hitting my chest,
My head which felt like
An hot owen till then,
started to melt.

When paranoia hits me,
I am not myself,
It gives me this sunglasses,
When every soul is
A threat,
Every giggle an insult,
Every hand is out to
Pull me down,
And everyday an
Opportunity for
new conspiracy,
And he has this friend,
Who creeps from his shadows,
Holds you by the neck,
Hauls you upside down in
In his cave,
Leaves you scratching the
Walls for your dear life,
To see some kind of a light,
Anxiety leaves you paralysed,
Disabled, breathless.
And next time worser.